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Credits
--Diah Mastura--
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Monday, April 23, 2007
Im trying to design a new blogskin..
Cause my new life has begins..
And im sure, its gonna be a bumpy one..
But hopefully, we will b able to go thru it...
As for now, im very bz..
Will update when im free..
chiao :P
Friday, April 20, 2007
Oh boy.. It seems i have jus lost my ownself..mORE precisely, i lost a kilogram in 2days.
These days i dunno whats going tru my mind. . COMPLICATED. .
i have the solutions to all of the things in my mind, but ist just i dunno how to bring myself forward to do it.
Just talk to him on d phone. And i dunno.. Its either we are making things too difficult for our ownself, or its jus that we dun wan to change it to makes it easier for ourselves.
Oh my.. Thinking back...
I have too much things on my mind. PTC, (Parent teacher communication) cumin pretty soon, assignments still nt yet done, lesson plans & displays to be done, net bills to pay, blah..blah..
it just keeps adding on...
And to think that im procastinating too much...
Partyly i have to admit its due to this relationship..
More like a bumpy one at only the earlier stage..
Imagine....
Months and years to come..
I jus cant imagine..
jUst tht i hope god gives me the strength..
And the faith to still carry on..
I noe my grandma misses me..
But im really sorry..
I have been very bz..
Way too bz..
My mum has been nagging saying that my grandma dah tua.
and she misses me..
Why dun i go over a while to meet her..
blah..blah...
Seriously, mum, nt that i do it on purpose.
But i cant even have time for my ownself.
Im sorry to whoever i have hurt so far..
I didnt mean to do it..
I jus hope this phase will be over..
Fast.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
There come certain points in your life when things just don’t go the way you want them to. Well, make it most of the times in your life. Ultimately, you are left with decisions to you have to make in order for you to continue on your life. The decisions are hard to make. You are torn making the right decisions between following your heart, or following your head.
More often than not, I find myself stuck in these types of situations where I have to choose between what my heart wants me to do or what my head tells me to do. Yesterday, I found myself in that same old situation when things didn’t go the way I planned it. Of course, I was upset but instead of throwing a bitch fit or a bad tantrum, I found myself quickly taking the ablution.
If I were to explain the situation, some might say that its not a trivial matter, some might say that the situation is probably just temporary while some might even say the problem is as small as an ant hole in the wall. But whatever it was, be it big or small, I am the type of person that takes things seriously cause I can’t afford any mistakes.
My heart tells me what I really want to do but my head tells me otherwise. I know, most would just say, “follow your heart”. But, I have been trained to weigh the pros and cons of both sides before making decisions. I admit, I used to follow what my heart wants me to do due to the simple reasoning that it is what I want to do afterall.
But, face it, this is the real world baby and sometimes, by following your heart, you will not get what you want and sometimes, it may even end you up in trouble. So, as time went by, I found myself following what my head tells me to do. My head thinks about the reality and how it really is whereas my heart follows my emotions that at times, may lead me to make rash decisions that may not be of any benefit to me or to others despite me feeling strongly about it. And seeing how much I don’t want things to be like how they were previously, I follow my head in order to make others happy. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that I do things as if I am being forced or as if I am doing things insincerely.
Nobody has ever forced me to make any kinds of decisions in any situation, except myself. The thing is just that, you want to do what’s right and make those that you love happy and smile and proud of you.
Following your head instead of your heart is not such as bad thing. For me, maybe I do resent the decision that I made in the first place, which is following what my brain wants me to do. But after a while, seeing how happy it makes those that you love, eventually, your heart begins to follow suit and after some time, you find yourself allowing your heart to get into the whole thing. You find your heart complementing the decision that your head makes and in the end, your head and heart works together. And you find yourself happy. Usually, this is a good ending. But, things are not always like this.
Sometimes, I hate the fact that I use my head alot cause it makes me so rational and so logical. I look at every problem with a narrow-mind and it makes me so rigid and stiff. Maybe I am just a coward and a wuss that I refuse to take a chance or to take a risk by following my heart. Maybe I just want definite answers. Gawd, I hate myself sometimes! Of course, there are times when I hate being rational cause there are certain occasions where I crave to be wild and open.
Sometimes, I just have that spark or maybe sparks of rebelliousness in me, that makes me want my heart to lead me instead of my rational brain. But I have grilled myself so hard for far too long to be realistic and real that I can’t seem to do otherwise. This was what happened to me yesterday night as I lay in bed thinking about the whole situation that I am currently in. However, yesterday night was an improvement cause instead of following my head instantly, I found myself right in between. I’m in the transition to following my heart instead of the otherwise. But damn it, this afternoon, now, I have failed and I think I have ultimately given in to what my head wants me to do, unintentionally. And the sad part is that, my heart agrees with the decision my head has made. I guess after walking down the same path over and over again, you get used to it. So instead of having two different decisions, I now only have one choice to make. But, I am still confused all over that it makes me become so testy and full of angst.
I am not saying that one should always think logically and rationally, cause if one feels really really strong about something, then go for it. Follow your heart cause who knows, maybe your heart is right and your head probably deserves a knock on the head for asking you to do otherwise.
For me, I don’t know. Its just complicated. Or maybe, I’m probably just the one that’s making the whole thing complicated by purposely laying out that I have two complete different choices. Ugh, I loathe this. It doesn’t do me any good cause my head hurts(literally) and so does my heart. And I am still left with no concrete solid answers, which just makes me angrier. I guess life is just like that. No definite answers. However, I want to be crazy enough to break this hard habit of mine. I want to be crazy enough to follow my heart. I want to be crazy enough to take the risk and throw those logical and rational thoughts aside cause this is my life afterall! But maybe, I’m just not brave enough to be that crazy.
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as toaccept the life that is waiting for us.–Joseph Campbell
Teach me how.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
S:why dila. Why u want to see me be angry so much? U noe what dila,
i pernah bace and my lecturer used to say this too...
Patutkah seorang lelaki itu memarahi wanita yang dicipta tuhan?
Patutkah seorang lelaki itu memarahi wanita yang tidak meminta segalanya darinya?
Patutkah seorang lelaki itu memarahi wanita yang dinikahinya?
Patutkah seorang lelaki itu memarahi wanita yang disentuhinya? Patutkah seorang lelaki itu memarahi wanita yang disayanginya?
Patutkah seorang lelaki itu memarahi wanita yg menjaga mahligainya?
Patutkah seorang lelaki itu memarahi wanita yang melahirkan dan menjaga anak-anaknya?
Patutkah seorang lelaki itu memarahi wanita yang ditidurinya?
U guys wanna noe wat.. i tried to do all those things in the world to make him be angry with me. I LIED TO HIM. I make up stories. jUST TO see him mad and boil up.
But all i get was thank you. And a smile. He is nice.But its still too early for me to trust all tht. I neva meet this kind of guy bfore eversince i live in this world.
Takde sifat marah. hE Teach me alot. n dun worry ct, i wnt fall again for the second trap...
i let and leave it to god...
Meanwhile xcuse me.. i have assignemnts to do..
Friday, April 06, 2007
I noe its too early for all this to happen...
I noe its too early for a new journey to start..
To be honest, he is the perfect guy every girl dreams..
He is very patient la... I gave him alot of tests...
And what was his answers, thank you. its ok.
Idiot rite:)
He memang ade sifat marah, but he was able to control it and use his rationale to think and not acting on impulse.
I noe why god present him to me after all the hurts and pains..
Maybe for me to be able to appreciate it better.
But if this is the way god have chose it for me..
I let it be...
Coz i trust there must be a reason why HIM..
Seriously, wani, u need to meet him..
Looks abit like yayat...
heheh:P
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